Confessions of a Mere Mortal

by David · 13 comments

Yes, I’m a mere mortal, and I face the same challenges as everyone, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like a fraud because I tend to only talk about the positive things in my life. In my attempt to spread positive energy I think I send out the message that I’m a person with no problems.

I receive lots of e-mail from people telling me they really like my podcast, YouTube videos and writing; these messages always give me a jolt of motivation to sit down at the laptop to pour out my heart and write. For the past few months I’ve been trying to dig deep, I really have, but I found nothing, and every time I’ve sat down to write within minutes I’m pulling down the lid on the laptop and going back to bed. Sometimes people ask why I haven’t posted anything for such a long time. I still haven’t replied to any of those people, but If I had replied my response would have contained one word: Life.

You see, for the last few months I’ve been battling depression. It kinda of all started when I got back from Uganda. I had a really good time in Africa, but when I came back to London it was clear that something wasn’t working. I tried hard to keep doing things I knew made me happy like making videos for YouTube, writing, studying languages, reading, etc but no matter how hard I tried nothing brought back the motivation and passion I had before going to Africa. I started to doubt whether I had made the right decision by dropping out of university, then I broke up with my girlfriend of three years, then…and then… yeah, you get the picture. Life.

I did a lot of reading online to see if there were others out there experiencing the same thing as me, and I kept finding the same answer to my enquiry: depression. I went to a doctor and explained I was finding it difficult to get things done, and he tried to put me on anti depressants. No thanks. I’ll pass. Not for me. I’m not sure what I expected, I really don’t, but I know I don’t like the idea of taking pills for six months.

Thankfully, I’m a lot better. Sometimes we have to take time out to pause and reflect, and this process can be extremely painful. Looking back with hindsight it’s now clear that I spent a lot of time holding onto the past, a system that no longer worked and this resulted in depression. Sure, I really like studying language, writing, making videos for YouTube, reading, etc However when I went away to Africa I entered my element but then I came back to London which for me is the complete opposite. The old system I had no longer works and I have to update and face the music.

It’s time for me to leave London. This is something I’ve known I’ll have to do for a while, but I was so busy holding onto the past its taken a while to accept it’s time. Anyway, I’m in the process of selling all of my belongings in anticipation to start a new life in January.

I’ve had to really look in the mirror and stomach up a lot of courage to decide it’s time to get what I want from life: adventure. In my head a hear three words ringing:

Life is short.

Plagiarised, simple and profound; they lifted me out of depression and motivated me to buy a one way ticket out of London.

What could they do for you?

  • http://www.yearlyglot.com/ Randy the Yearlyglot

    Been experiencing some similar things recently. Not always feeling the passion and excitement for the things that were so big for me. But I keep reminding myself of that old quote that says, “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us,” and trying to keep in mind that there’s a whole giant unknown world out there and I don’t have to spend my life stuck in one identity.

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Absolutely, I like to think of this like holding tightly to a blade of a knife. The tighter I tried to hold the knife the worse it got. The best thing I can do is let go.

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Absolutely, I like to think of this like holding tightly to a blade of a knife. The tighter I tried to hold the knife the worse it got. The best thing I can do is let go.

  • http://twitter.com/jeffbbern Jeff

    Congrats on the big step! I’m sorry to hear you were having a tough time, but glad to hear things are looking up. I actually had a pretty similar experience and it led to me leaving my job and moving to Japan. :P

    Add me to the list of people who love your podcast, videos, and blog. Keep up the good work!

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Thank you, sir!

      I also have plans to make it to Japan sometime next year (hopefully) xD

  • http://www.facebook.com/hutton.moon Hutton Eugene Moon

    This is just one of many of the twists and turns of life. Thank you so much for your dedication and the caring for others which is so evident in the things that you do. I can imagine how taxing this must be to you, but for my own selfish reasons, I hope that you get settled somewhere, and get back to YouTube and blogging :-) Seriously, though, if you need anything, you have dozens of people that are probably sitting on the edge of their seats to help you. You have earned their respect, and you deserve to reap the rewards from time to time. God bless, bro.

  • Filipe

    Your honesty is admirable. Sometimes you need to be down to re-evaluate your life. You’re gonna get better sir!

    By the way I live in rio de janeiro, wanna switch places hahaha???

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Yes please!

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Yes please!

  • Jessica Walsh

    I like what you wrote about holding onto the past too much, as that is exactly what I am doing. In fact, many parts of your entry could have been written by me if I had had the courage to do so. My experience with the mirror involves my looking five, ten, twenty years into the future, and asking myself what I would regret not having done. It sheds a big light onto those meaningless aspects of life, let me tell you. I was wondering why I hadn’t heard anything from you for awhile(being one of your subscribers), and I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having some trouble. I wish you all the best in the coming year, and I hope to still be watching your videos and reading your blogs by the time I put myself in a similar position. Bon voyage! =D

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Thanks you for such and uplifting comment xD

  • http://www.facebook.com/chrissarda Chris Sarda

    I’m sorry to hear that you were having such a tough time, but I’m excited to hear that you’re doing something about it.

    I hope you find what you’re looking for. And I really hope you enjoy the journey while looking for it.

    • http://www.davidmansaray.com/ David Mansaray

      Thanks Chris! Life is a journey of ups and downs and I’m on my way up again ;)

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